Bright Eyes

She is just adorable. Her hair down long, wet. Just precious! Her eyes big and bright. God, I love her. She is even more adorable because she is so shy. Like me, she puts her head down when she receives a compliment. I was shy, too this evening when someone told me I had very pretty skin and wanted to know what I did to take care of it. I'm shy and I don't know how to love and fall for the wrong people.

I love inappropriately! Just like falling in love with the doctor and telling her. I fall so in love in appropriately.

If anyone should happen to love me in return I distanced myself. I'm so screwed. I'm afraid I messed up my "second" chance. She said. "I don't do relationships". I was afraid to ask what that meant. C was afraid too, to ask. Because by then you have fallen and you just don't want to know the answer. God, I miss a woman's touch. I'm afraid that I'm dying inside. I need to be in love and touch and want and receive.

I am so use to loving from a distance, that I don't know how to love up close. I don't know how to love. I had her right in my arms and I messed it up.

I wasn't shown love when I was little. I was pretty much alone all my childhood so I loved from a distance. A single act of kindness and softness would do it; I loved women, if an older girl was sweet to me I would fall head over heels.

I need to fall in love with someone more appropriate.

Tomorrow morning I'll run then bicycle. It will be hard but I need to push myself hard. I need to work out my emotions and pain.

It's so hard to love from a distance when I so want to wrap my arms around her and make love to her. She is so precious and doesn't know it. She's perfect and doesn't think so. I would so love to make love to her that I cannot allow myself to think about it. My love is so inappropriate. Why would anyone like her, love me or even want me?

God, please help me. I need to love and make love. I want to be in love. I know I already am but she doesn't love me the same way. I heard her say. It's been a long time for her too. Hearing this does not help anything at all. It's killing me!

God, it's so hard. You need to help me! I'm begging here!

And please take care of her and keep her safe. I wish I could hold her and make love to her. I love her. I'm just fine when I'm around her and near her but as soon as I leave her side, I miss her. I miss her terribly.

Please help me! You simply must help me