"Crash" the movie review at Carol's

was fun! I borrowed the movie from John and watched the DVD Thursday evening. Half way through I realized that I had seen most of the movie before.

I cried when the father talked so sweetly to his little five year old daughter who was afraid and hiding under the bed. I cried more when he gave her the invisible cloak and tied it around her neck and lifted her hair ever so gently. My dad was an asshole!

The painful way he held his mouth open when he thought she was shot as she jumped into his arms to protect him made me cry even more. I felt this father's love - in a movie for only minutes on the screen. I never felt any love from my father. Oh maybe twice. One time he put air in my bicycle tires. I was so afraid to ask him; but my mother insisted I ask him not her for me. I was afraid of him. And another time when I was smaller yet, he fixed me some sugar water to settle my upset stomach and I sipped on it and felt better. Those two times! There were no hugs are kisses when I was little from either parent or grandparents. My heart hurt most of the time and I didn't really know why.

I have finally broke away from them; all of them. I am free - so free and I love it. And since I have know T, D, A (I love her) and now M my heart doesn't hurt anymore.

After last week lying with M my heart is healed. I hope to see her tomorrow and the next week. Universe help me out and make it work for the healing within both of us. I know she hurts too. She said I was heaven sent! See, I have a purpose after all.

I could tell she was hurting when she and I were talking. God, she looked me over and talked to me for a long time. I'm glad we hooked up. I'm glad I called her. I was praying nothing would happen to either one of us before she got here; before we had a chance to be together. It was heaven! Pure heaven! I can't wait to see her tomorrow.

No, I really don't want anything more. I don't really want a more involved relationship. I was just in a fifteen year relationship. She was in a long relationship. We'll be fine for now, being together for each other. Personally, I don't want it to end. And I don't want our lives to become enmeshed.

I love my freedom! It's only going to get in the 60's today, maybe I'll have soup ready for us and salad.