Darn, she can't come until tomorrow now...

I missed her this afternoon, but she is coming tomorrow. And what a beautiful afternoon it is; actually pretty chilly.

I ran four to the gym worked out about forty minutes on the weight machines and I ran back home the same way yesterday. I was a little achy last night but think that I am fighting off something. Today I did about an hour of yoga and took a long walk to get some fruit and vegtables. I could take a nap, but it's about time to get ready to meet the group to run in the park. I feel like eating something, but I can't except for my Accel Gel protein suff.

I am learning new things each day and life and people truly amaze me. I can tell that I grew up pretty much in solitude confinement because I pretty much rely on myself to do and get things I want done. People and couples amaze me.

It seems that when I was the half of a couple I pretty much did double the stuff, back tracked, gave up power and things I like to do. I took the backseat. I lost myself. After a few years most of my possessions were in my room so I knew where they would be. I lost things in the rest of the house. Who was making me more unhappy her or family. She is very family orientated with her family; I was not with mind. She was a great cushion but she didn't like to visit them either. After a short time visiting her eyes began to roll and her head did this flipping them towards the direction of the front door. Is that where my rotty gets that from; she doesn't roll her eyes (yet) but she does a dance and jerks her head when she is ready to leave someone we are visiting.

I wonder if my partner and I would have been more sexually active, if that would have made a difference? We were not affectionate in public or private either. There were times when she hugged me when I was going through some therapy and stuff with my family. My family did not have a clue. I was past the point of trying to work things out with them. They were just cold and cruel most of my life. Non-affectionate. My heart only hurt all of my young life.

D my 05SL saved my life; T before her! Now M is wonderful! The ache in my heart is extremely weakened by her love making. Wow! Sometimes I can't breath when I think of it and us together. We somehow came together because both of us had been without for so long.

So can't do a relationship. I really don't want one. I love my freedom. The moment I left the cabin after the weekend I felt a sense of freedom drving down the highway with my kayak. All my stuff together. I didn't have to double check or run back and forth to make sure I had everything. I had everything. The universe was with me. Besides I have my loves in my life. I have my new "family" familes.

I have M to hold me for as long as it works for both of us. It's that special something we both need and look forward too.