Remembering that I learned so much from 05SL

05SL (summer love of 2005) changed my life for the better! I was just thinking of that today as I rode about the city. She brought me life. She allowed me to realize (along with several therapist through the year; but she, manly) that I do not have to associate with my family. I am so much more happier now that I haven't for over a year. Sorry folks but there is nothing wrong with me - for a change! They just drained the life out of me I had to separate from them.

05SL also made me realize how deeply I could feel for someone and I love that feeling. Even though she is no longer in my life, believe me; she is in my life. I think pleasant thoughts about her a lot. I'd say thoughts of her pass through my mind at least once a day; happy thoughts.

She taught me so much! She made me see life and children (for some reason) in a special way. They are precious, as she was precious to me, with wondering eyes so curious. And their little hands they hold together fingers touching as they gaze in wonder. They're adorable!

05SL showed me that I could love and live and be alive again! I needed her so much, when I met her and she was there for me waiting...on those steps. I'll never forget her and always be here for her if she should ever need me. In her heart I know she cares. I know what we had and the time we spent together was priceless.

They say, people pass in and out of our lives for a reason. Wow! She had so many reasons for me. She more than did her part and I love her still, very much for that. She doesn't have to be in my life for me to feel this way. It's a love of gratitude. She taught me how to feel again!

I was just thinking of her today. And I realized that instead of thinking love is all over for me. I think truly it's just beginning. I think 05SL, just as my ex of many years, are stepping stones in a chain of events toward more happiness.

I think 05SL came into my life to teach me, not in words, that there is still young love for me that is coming. There might even be a child involved.. maybe one that is not here yet.

I read recently where an older ex-publishers in his fifties married a woman in her 20s and they began raising children. He said his life has just begone; and that he realizes he was not ready until now for all of this to happen. I think I know how he feels. Life is more precious to us now and we have so much more to give now. I realize that I had suppressed my emotions and denied myself feelings for years. I'm reborn now! So, I'm thinking, if the one I care about (who seems so like me) cares about me too... I'm going for it!

I will no longer just sit and be sad of how I have felt cheated out of young love with women. I have vowed to live what I have missed. Anyway, I'm giving it the best shot I know how.

Maybe too, it's why I have stayed so physically strong and active all these years when I have denied myself true life. My parents had me in such a state I never wanted children. I never knew love. I am finally, allowing myself to feel these things and it's wonderful.

And thank you so much 05SL for loving me and allowing me to love you. You saved my life. I was reborn through you. Thank you!