I miss you

I wish I could hold you. Yeah, I was just thinking about you...

I hope I see you soon. Please don't worry, I won't take advantge or assume anything if you are nice to me. I promise!

It would just be good to see you.

I am in a good place mentally, spiritually, physicially, emotionally and intellectually. I have no complaint!

I just came back from T&J's from watching the L-Word. C, K, E, and new C were there. New C is in a good place; a very nice person. C & K are cute together; they are in synce and very much so. E is still pursuing S. J was in rare form and T holds it all together. The whole bunch are very refreshing and we enjoyed many humorous moments.

They are wonderful because they do not take life so seriously but are light of heart and very happy. What a delight!

I missed you and I want to see you; but I can't tell you that. Please try to make it to M's on Tuesday; just bring her along. We all miss you.

I'm trying to relate, really I am, because I was there at that point at one time. I couldn't understand any one caring about me and when they they I ran; no matter who they were. I became shy; I wasn't use to it and didn't know how to handle it. It was easier to be invisible. It was especially easy when men cared for me; I could not comprehend. I did not believe that they cared for me at all. I know I hurt a lot of people.

I know you don't care but, I think that you are adorable and very lovable. Some people like me just love to love and do not expect love in return.

Remember I'm at a good place. I measure time in moments; magical moments not in years only in magic moments. You are in my memories of magic moments; you and Teresa. Moments to be treasures forever.

I've had special moments with my X too; funny, good times. Not the same!

I'm at a very good place. I do not envy anyone or anything. I'm at a good place. I know I will have more magical moments - soon.

Right now, today, I'm the best that I can be and I feel in sync with the universe, god and my spirit guides. I think that I am getting the messages I had intended for me to receive in this lifetime. We come into each life time with a plan of lessons to learn; I think I'm learning mine. And most of them just within the past two years. Work had so occupied and cluttered my creative mind; now, I have the time to comtemplate and take in life.

I enjoy every note, every breeze, every ray of sunshine that spotlights my face, every smile I give and the one reflected. I treasure every loving touch, sigh, every kiss, and every loving beat. We are precious beings merely visiting, learning and moving on to the next life.

So, what's the ultimate lesson? To learn to love ourselves? Is it to learn to appreciate our gifts of health, wisdom and wealth and each other. What's the message? I have read recently that before our spirit chooses to come to earth we have a plan to fulfil while we are here; but, when we get here society messes it up for us! Frankly, it makes a lot of sense to me. Between the church, authoritarian parents and society I got screwed royally. So, I had to overcome all of that before I could settle in and even think about what my plans were.

There is love in laughter; it's a precious commodity and it should never fad. There is health in laughter and we should never take life that serious as to drown out the laughter for its a beautiful thing.

We need to be open to those magical moments, are we are going to miss them. They are too precious to miss so watch for them; I do everyday. Of course, I can afford to - I'm oh so free!

If I would have known this, I would have moved and escaped long, long ago. I feel so free of "them". My x is fine, we appreciate our "friendship" now. She is solid ground. Like Teresa's spirit is - solid ground. Once more, she knows it too. Magical moments; that is what they are - magical moments.

Teresa saveed my life and freed my spirit with a hug and kiss on the cheek and loving hands to my face. She freed my soul. I pray for her all the time. Sometimes you know you have to treasure those precious magical moments because you know they are just that. I believe love is a passing thing and something you hold onto in the night.

I treasure and memorized every precious moment with you; every smile, every sigh, every breath and every heart beat. Every kiss to your cheek, forehead, every loving touch of your hair. Watching you sleep! To me you were (are) a most precious being. You shared your heart and that is a precious gift for anyone to recieve. You didn't do me wrong. It was meant to last as long as it did and missing and wishing is just the other side of loving - they go hand in hand because you can't turn it off and on like a switch.

Remember when you found the kittie"? God, I loved your heart that day. I kissed you and held you when you wanted to keep it. I wish I would have known you for a long time. In all honesty I felt a little cheated of your time that day. But, I loved your heart. I hope to god, I didn't hurt you bad or made you mad. I'm so sorry if I did. All I know is that I felt you slipping away and I wanted you so bad and I knew it was coming to an end. I have never loved anyone more. You were adorable when I saw you at M's recently. I know relationships are tough. I wish you could just be youself around me and me you. I would love to listen to what you have to say. But, as it is I think our hearts get in the way.

I hope you are doing okay, I think I do know how your heart works...I know. I can see through all those complicated feelings. Trust me I know complicated feelings; my life has been crap, I let people walk all over me. At least you were not a door mat.

I know exactly what you are thinking....what is she talking about? You live life more on the shallow, it's easier. You get your needs met and then when things get complicated; when that other person gets involved or begins to assume; then it's time to move on. No one will know your heart - you won't take that chance. Guess who you remind me of?