Things that are meant to happen

I just thought of this so I have to write about it. How many times have to wante to talk to something but it's in a crowded place and you don't want everyone in on the conversation and you don't want the conversation to be obvious. So, needless to say, the words don't get spoken.

Well, I want a conversation with my summer love so I just have to get my head and heart in a right place and then I think it will happen. I guess the other night when I saw her at the counter, was not the time. Well, she had that look on her face like - get the fuck out of my space. Maybe that deterred me slightly, you think? Anyway, the thought of me bothering some one that much really troubles me and so I want to ge to the bottom of it. So, Please present yourself somewhere so I can have a conversation with you. You know the two places just be at one of them - soon. This treatment is killing me and I'm afraid if I try to say anything I'll push you further away. But, I wan to know exactly where I stand.

Now here is the weird thing. Last Tuesday evening I'm sitting next to C (the new girl) at a long table - people all around. Full moon, so they are all talking amongst themselves. It was extremely easy for C to ask me my story ("Your quit a catch you know" - that is what she said. Too cute!). I'm eating that up you know and will for a long time. Anyway, in such a crowded space I know I have her full attention and no one else is listening. Once more we can hear each other fine. It was miraculous as for as I'm concerned and evident that it was meant that she hear "my story". Now, if I would have been trying to speak to my summer love: First of all, we wouldn't ge sitting close together we are avoiding each other apparently - and I love her so much and yet I can't even sit by her. I feel I should try to sit way far away from her so she is not uncomfortable. And we could never had a dissent conversation like C and I did because everyone would be in on it.

So, it seemed very odd and yet very purposeful, like it was meant to happen that C and I had this conversation. How odd is that! I guess full moon and timing is everything.

How I would love to have an intimate detailed conversation with my summer love. Well, here's another factor. C was interested and wanted to know and I was willing to tell. I don't think summer love is at least bit interested but probably rather gets a kick out of being cool and distant. Have you ever just taken a piece of 8 x 11 writting or typing paper and hated what was on it and just crumbled it up between your hands forcefully and then just picked it to the fall? Well, that is my heart in her hands.