This is the Best Time!

As I was running my 11.27 miles (1:43 time) to my mental beat of Ray Charles' "My Coming Home" (thinking that would be a good guitar song), I was thinking that this is my best time of my life - so far! And here I am running all alone and having fun. You just can't beat it!

But really, what is there to complain about; I do what I want and mostly when I want to. I figure I put my "sharing" time in for the past "how many years" so it's time to be selfish again. And as I see it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think it fits with the "learning to love yourself theme".

I believe that I received a universal message via another woman at the spirituality class the other night. She had a channeled spirit tell her that she choose her cold abusive mother in order to learn to love herself. I thought this statement spoke volumes to me and fit the story of my life too! But, I do love myself. Sometimes I feel a void in my heart; but most of the time I'm as happy as can be especially after I have ran six miles and get that runners high.

The other day I hit six miles while running in Forest Forest. Normally, I'm a sunshine kind of gal, but this particular day was overcasted and yet I felt as if I was flying high. I flet fit, good looking, cool, youthful, and began counting my blessings and thanking god, the universe, and my spirit guides. I thought to myself - this is the best time of my life: No periods, no stress, and sometimes although getting more rare, I get discounts. And I look good! And I can make myself happy!

I am not concerned about getting into a relationship; why take on extra baggage I feel. Although, if I let myself think about it I truly miss the touch and warmth of a wonderful, beautiful woman's body next to me. I just don't think about it because along with the body comes the mind! I guess I can agree with my summer love on that one. Good bad we just can't work out a deal, if you get a little lonely for that kind of companship call me - no strings attached. I can handle that. I could! I woulnd't want to be with her all the time or even part of the time. And any other time, we would be friends; no one need know. It would be perfect. Have sex once a week or spread it out more even and that's it.

Anyway, that would take care of everything for me. Oh, I can love her..no probably, I just don't want a relationship. Now, I just couldn't do this with just anyone; but I think she and I are pretty much two of a kind as far as relationships go.

I think I must have been in a state of temporary insanity for fifteteen years. Oh, it was okay; I wish not to demean the relationship. We had a good understanding; but way too much family stuff. I went to way more than I should have. I just felt that I should and it was a way to see her because she was going to spend the time with time no matter what. She complained about seeing my family and our visits there were the shortest; of course, that was okay with me. But hence, I've ditched them all, so it doesn't really matter.

The last two years were hell; the past nine months were heaven. The point I am really attemping to make today is that I have realized when I had fallen in love so hard in the spring of 04 and in the spring of 05. The love in 04, was sent by the universe to get the ball in motion and the love in 05 was to carry it totally through to the other end of the court and crement my separation from my family and get me moved over here.

It's funny, in retrospect it all makes sense. The universe knew that I needed a shove, a big boose to get me going and that is where the loves came in. Also, I got back a little bit of my thirties that I lost out of due living the straight love and secretly loving women who never knew the real me. The song "You don't know me" comes to mind and to heart. Oh how true!

Anyway, I am in a wonderful state of mind. I am absolutely blessed and so grateful for my many wonderful gifts of good health, looks, no pain, ambition, friends and once more I know it is wise to express gratitude for my blessings. I know it is wise to think positive thoughts regarding just everything in life. I have a "I can do" mentally.

Sometimes it gets very frustrated to me when people complain or say they are getting old. Well, honey, just keep telling yourself that and you WILL contribute to the process. Because you body follows along with what your mind thinks. If you think you are old; your old. Don't be naive and aid it alone or make it worse than what it needs to be. Do you know how many people pay no attention to my examples. I'm a Libra, we teach by example..you just don't know how frustrating it is..it's just amazing to me. People wake up, you are what you think you are; just as any athelete does, we create our reality in our minds first before we follow it through. The moral of the story - think differently. You know what it takes to be healthy. Do your homework and read up on nutrition. Do all you can for yourself after all your body is a gift; a gift from god, show it a little respect and it will carry you through...

I have to stop, I need to take a shower before I go to my yoga class this evening. And then I want to come back home and play my guitar in front of the fire.

I think I am still flying high from my sixth mile and beyond mark on my run. It makes me feel happy, good and filled with love. Okay, I guess I'm finished preaching for now. Well, I love myself and my friends and both of my summer loves very much. They are all gifts from the universe and a higher being.