I wish I could see you again

I was just thinking about you. Remember the day you drove and we went to get ice cream. I think that was our last good day; was it?

On the drive there you asked if I ever wanted kids? At a very young age I turned all those kinds of feelings off within me; I just didn't want to take the chance of any kid going through what I went through. And maybe when I might have thought of it; it was too late.

You were precious that day to me; I loved you so much! And then I saw my relatives and what a mess it made me. Of course, you didn't know what was going on because I couldn't talk about it then. You were very tender when I did and I turned your tenderness away and I'm so sorry that I did that. You were very sweet to me.

I have many regrets, like the evening I should have held you and told you I needed to; instead I got up and left you. I had wanted you so bad, I couldn't stand it; I thought you were pulling away. You see, I remembered you saying that you didn't do relationships. I knew in my heart that I was losing you; or was it self-fullfilled prophecy. In my mind did I think it was ending so I pushed it. I think too at that point to were getting mixed and confusing feelings.

I hope I see you again soon. Why don't you come see us on Tuesday evening; everyone would love to see you. I would love to see you. In anyway shape or form I want you in my life. I love you!

There was just something special in everything about you! Don't you think that there was a special reason why our lives came together. Well, I don't think that it was meant to be for that short of time.

Now, I write like I'm writing directly to you, well I guess that I am; but if you would ever read this I think I would be very embarrassed. The blogging helps me personally and it is not meant to make you feel bad or discussed. So, please just let me go on because I think I may need to write more for a long while yet. I just don't want to make you feel bad. I'm very sorry if I do. Please don't be mad.

Be good to yourself!

So what were you thinking when you were watching me from the kitchen that evening? I wanted so to speak to you. Are we just both so hurting we just can't talk to each other? I deserved an academy award that evening with the performance I put on; I had to be an adult about the whole thing. It's not your fault I feel this way about you. Your new love seems okay; actually, you two are kind of cute together. My best to you both. If you ever need me for anything, just anything call or contact me anytime day or night..this offer has no expiration date. Remember, I told you that I would always love you.

It's back to work tomorrow. I know you are in bed sleeping. I can see you lying there so quiet, so peaceful. I love to watch you sleep. I'm going to concentrate real hard. Okay there I am next to you touching you. I just leaned over and kissed your cheek (I can feel your soft skin against my lips) and now I'm stroking your hair ever so lightly. I whispered too, I love you. So, dream about me and feel my love.