Was Just Thinking About You

I met someone today at F in the park and she's perfect for you and that reality tugs at my heart. She seems friendly and grounded.

I thought of you when I met her; she's the one they were talking about. Anyway, I missed you today when I met her. Sometimes I wish I could just hold you with your head on my lap, you pouring your heart; me loving you and telling you so; unconditionally for forever.

Somehow I feel I have to get that message to you; even if you don't care for me at all wouldn't it give you a little comfort to know that I'm here in the shadows ready, if you should ever need me..if just to talk to about anything. Didn't I listen good? Didn't I care enough? Wasn't I loving?

Some people like to receive love; I prefer giving even though I'm quit awkward and clumsy and sometimes speechless. I loved you from the start and I was brave at the beginning; but the more I loved you, the more shy I became..you took over and I loved it.

How you touched my heart! I think you have touched more hearts than just mine. They miss you! The people of the park, they ask me about you and it breaks my heart that I can't answer for you.

I have not abandoned you; I am merely waiting for you; never forget that! And if you choose never to come to me, it's okay. I just want you to know I'm keeping my promise. I will love you unconditionly forever. And don't stay away and never feel bad if you can't be my friend. I am not sad; I'm happy. I'm not disappointed. I only want you to know I won't break this promise.

Don't feel bad that you don't love me. You must think that I am a pitiful idiot! I'm not! I'm having a blast. I have freed my mind of all burdens; I left them in another state. I'm having so much fun sometimes I just want to gather you up in my arms and hold you to celebrate my happiness.

I had a great run this morning; this afternoon, this evening is my own. I wish I could email or call you; but I know I can't because any attempt at contacting you will push you further away and I know this. I don't want to push you further away.

Don't disappear on me, okay? God, I hope you read this stuff. I wish you could know how I feel. I know you can't relate. I remember the conversation on the patio one night when no one showed up but one and we sat outside and talked about feelings for others and you indicated that you couldn't relate.

Don't ever feel that you short changed me; never feel that way. I know it's in you, I sense it. Those feelings in you haven't had a chance to surface. Your heart hurts and mine hurts right along with yours. I feel your pain.

That's what unconditional love is, not expecting anything in return, but loving another anyone. You are so cemented in my heart.

I want to hold that little girl in you that never got the chance to be held; we might be alike in that respect. I want to hold you and make the bad go away or a least offer a some comfort.

I think that is why we were brought together. I remember the day I walked up to you and introduced myself. I was in love with you the moment I looked into your eyes;in an instant, I was bonded to your heart. I knew for sure by the station run.

Please be there tomorrow so I can talk to you, if not with words, at least with our eyes. I am not here to hurt you.

I'm sorry I dissrepected your wishes and did you wrong. I've learned so much in the interim; I have rethought every moment and I understand so much better now. You lead and I'll follow your lead. Just smile at me.

Mouth me "hello" if I'm still in good standing. I won't make more of it than what I should. I just want to know if I am forgiven. I'm so sorry I hurt you or made you sad or mad.