Overcasted

Where's the sun to warm up my run? Whew, I had a great yoga class last night and I feel all tight, firm and energetic. Now, I can't decide if I want to do more yoga now or run; I should run. I guess I'll bundle up and force myself out there.

I need to clear my head and my heart some to enable sufficient breathing before I do however; and I do this by writing about you. I hope you don't mind.

This is difficult because I think I love you in every way possible. What is hardest is the love and bonding I feel now because of when you confided in me. No one as ever needed me like that before. Well, I never felt so needed or touched so deeply. I think that is why it is so hard for me to let you go; I can't. I just can't. I'm here for you rather you holler, punch, or poke me. I just can't take the chance that maybe I was just a little different than the rest or that maybe you felt you could talk to me because I'm possibly more settled emotionally (well I think?).

I don't know? Personally, I think the universe, god, and our spirit guides planned for us to meet and ultimately be there for one another. Well, we could talk at one time; maybe the time we needed to be together has come to an end. Maybe you don't need me anymore. Maybe I shouldn't flatter myself by thinking possibly you do. I should be happy that you don't need anyone to talk to; but frankly, I think you do. I want to hear every complaint and about every painful experience. Talkng is good if you feel the need.

I just thought of something dreadful. You are probably complaining to others about me. See, I don't want that and that is why I am playing it very cool. I know you don't talk to me or don't look at me because you don't want me to get the wrong idea; that you might be interested. I know you're not. I can live with that. But, just in your tenderest moments I wanted to be strong for you, that's all. I'm beginning to know how you heart works...cause it looks a little familiar to me.

All I know is that I have to be available to you in case you need me. I love you and I wish you could use that to your advantage somehow. You see, I know a different side of you than some of your other friends do. Well, I'm not sure about that either; but, I have taken it to heart! It matters to me, how you feel and what's going on in your world - it matters to me.

I know life is tough, if you are anything like me you will push people away who care about you because it is hard and painful even to feel someone's love for you. Or I like me, I wanted it so bad, I didn't know what to do with it when I was sitting across the table from me. The hurt is that bad!

I was just thinking about one of the times I loved you the most - you were checking your oil. Frankly, I think everything about you is pretty adorable. Priceless! Unique! If I would have been the next door neighbor, I would have kept you! I would have found a way!

I'm going to try real hard to talk to you the next time I see you.

I hope you are having a happy, peaceful day.