You're Really A Catch!

What the hell does that mean? I'm really a catch? For who? And why would you think it and not want me but tell me that I am? I don't get it? And why tell me if you are not interested? The other night when she said it, I must have looked surprised and she said she was not flirting. Tonight she said it at least three times. She was surpriseed as hell that I was ever with my x, who also was there this evening. In fact T&J and K (new girl) were surprised.

Of course, I know about nothing when it comes to relationships. I know nothing. Whew, life is tough!

She has had relationships with older women! She told me this. I told her I had a relationship with a younger woman. I told her that. She tells me again that I'm quite the catch.

It was mutual, her and I deciding to ride together this evening. She lives very close to me.

God, spirit guides, Ezekiel (where ever you are) help me. I don't know what I'm doing. My heart is mush and my brian is confused and I haven't had loving for months. Who in the hell could think straight? God help me?

Please god help me.. I can't have my heart broken again... I just can't go through it again. Please help me. If someone does care for me please make it obvious so I get the signals. And god, please let it be someone very nice like the new girl K. I do really like her, we just sort of gravitate to each other. God, please help me..

I just can't take another heart break so I'm really shying away from this one. Personally, I do not think that she is interested at all. She's just very nice.

God help me I can't go through it again, it's too painful. Now, I'm depressed, I really don't feel like going tomorrow...but I committed. See, committing to seomthing is not good for me because things keep changing in my life.

And of course, my x made me feel guilty. Well, I know that I'm the only one who can make me feel guilty. But, I confus guilt with duty or what's expected or I don't know. My family used guilt to control me.

God, I'm begging of you please help me. K has helped me take my mind off of my summer love. I wish I had someone to hold me. I just need someone warm, caring to hold me such for a few minutes.

I know it isn't going to happen. For one thing, people get weird if signs of need are shown. So, god please help me I'm begging of you. I need someone to love me. Just care about. Kiss me on the forehead hold me love me then you can go away for a long while. Or you fucking kidding, the last time I got shown affection was the first time in my life by a doctor just two years ago. And I felt more love from her then ever before in my life...so it wouldn't take much to comfort me and I don't expect anyone to really care for any longer than ten minutes. So you see, I am well conditioned - you wouldn't even have to put much effort into it. I just need to be held....

Damn, my life sucks!