Struggling with my feelings today

I'm tired today. I guess that is understandable since I ran 13 miles yesterday morning. Walked the dog for a mile twice and then walked for two hours playing nine holes of golf.

I'll be going running this evening with the group. There is someone very special there whom I think about a lot lately. She has the most beautiful eyes. They change colors it seems. Sometimes dark blue. But, the other day when she was telling me something, and for the life of me I would never be able to tell you what it was, her eyes were clear light green under the bill of her cap. My heart stopped. I'll never forget them.

I guess that was my magical moment for Sunday. I asked for a magical moment that day and I got it. Of course my afternoon was pretty special. Members of the group are exceptional people so we have good times.

The young woman with the beautiful eyes always brightened my day. I could take her home with me and love her tenderly.

So what does a relationship consists of? Two like minded people? She and I are extremely alike in things we like to do and eat. Just the way we think about running and life is much the same.

I've fallen in love with her but I trend cautiously. I must make sure I know my own heart and mind. But, it's only love and appreciation for each other's hearts and bodies. What is the big fuss about I argue with myself. What if we were to make love? I dream of it at times and I shouldn't. Why not? Because society thinks she's a little too young or I'm a little too old? We're lesbians for god's sake that alone goes against every social, religious and government rule. So what if she's a little younger than me.

Her heart is not in it i can tell so it will never happen. Best that can happen is a warm hug and kiss to the cheek.

I need to come to grips with my emotions and youthful attractions. I'm hanging on to youth? I'm hanging on to the youth I never had. I had sex with men until I was near forty. God, what did I do to myself. I was living in hell.

Now I want her tender love because I missed out on young women's love. I think the universe is sympathy and understanding and probably sent her my way. The rest if up to me to break these social chains that hold me back. I know she cares about me. I need to take the first big step and she'll let me know or I'll be able to sense the answer. It's just not a sexual conquest I care deeply about her. She stirs my soul.

Maybe she is in my life so I work on this mind body transformation thing. So, I exercise my quantum physics levels power. We all have it! We all are able to create out days then watch them play out. We all are able to wish for a magical moment and then discover it happening with frequency enough that we are no longer surprised as others around us are.

I want this day to be magical in my quest for feeling and looking very youthful. My body is changing before my eyes. I'm hot and as cute as can be! People are already surprised when they learn my real age. Just wait! This is not a game I truly believe we can reverse the aging process if we truly believe. I want my 30's back! I was cheated out of my 30's and I want them back! So look out! I am most sincere in this endeavor.

Each and every one of us has the power of the universe within us, we just need to know that it is there and tap in on our capabilities.