Couples

Sorry, but I will not be in a relationship because everyone else is or because I want someone there.

I want to be in love! I have no idea what I am looking for or need but I feel it is right around the corner. The last two years have been times of huge changes in my life.

But, I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Maybe the biggest change lies within myself. I have no idea? But for some reason; I feel she is right around the corner, this new love of mine. I want to be in love.

I will plan it, wish for it and dream it and then it must come true. I want to worship someone. I know that sounds like bliss or infatuation. I don't care! I want the experience to be filled with love making and magic. I want to be knocked off my feet in love - like last year. Only this time I don't want to spoil it, like I believe I did last time. She was very sweet to me in tender moments when I needed to be loved and I pushed her away. I'm sorry for that!

I am hoping I get another chance at love! I am wondering if the universe will grant me another chance and I promise if I get one; I won't be so ignorant this time around. I do think that I have learned not to repeat bad or ignorant behavior that I had learned from the past.

I am worthy of love and I am a very loving person. I have a lot of love to give. I guess I need to be very specific in what I desire. I want to want her physically! I want to want to make love to her. I want her to drive me crazy just like 05SL did.

All my life I longed to feel like I did for 05SL. When she came along, I felt I died and went to heaven. But, then I fell back into my old ways of thinking. I don't know what happened. All I know is that I helped push her away thinking she probably would be more happy with someone else.

I want it that loving feeling again! And I don't believe that that is being selfish. I believe that is why we spirits come to earth in human form - to make love. To touch, to feel, to celebrate our human selves make love. It's the grandest thing in the world now that I have discovered it with a woman.

Trust me, sex just isn't sex! Doing it with men was merely getting off and going through the motions. Doing it with someone you truly love and want is magical!

God help me! Why did I have to wait half a lifetime to find that out! Oh, I know! I was trying to please the rest of the world's rules, social, church and government laws. And how dare they (the whole bunch of crooks) tell me who and how I can love! They are nothing but a bunch of control, lying, manipulative hypocrites. I have no respect for any of them. "Respect" man, that's a word I can't ever find a reason to use these days expect for respecting myself. The more information I receive the more I know how we have been deceived to benefit their profits and sense of power. All bullshit! Old white men! It's that WWII generation, so entitled, preaching, know every thing generation! Mind your own business - why don't you!

Okay! I guess I'm finished for one evening. Now to walk my rottweiler then watch that DVD.

Oh well!