Heart 2 Heart with a new Friend

I had a heart to heart with a new friend with evening. We know each other better. But bringing up the past made me a little sad.

I tuned into the 80's sounds on cable and that didn't help...I was living the straight life then, but in love with a woman. Those songs brought back memories of hidden desire and pain in thinking that I could never have her or be close to her. Friends? Yes. Lovers? Never! They never knew how I really felt about them. I never chanced it or risked losing their friendship or being ostracized from "the group". So I hide my true feelings (the church, society and government would be so proud!).

Anyway, my new friend knows me better now. We talked of relationships and loves lost. No wonder everyone is afraid and skeptical. Loving can be painful.

I'll take the pain any day. You can't hurt if you never truly loved.

Anyway, I need to move on and think about something else. I still love my past loves lost, the women that is. I can't remember the men - to long ago and I never truly loved them. I was just doing what society, religion and the government told me to do. I couldn't connect with a man not like I could with a woman.

I'm better now! I'm taking back what was lost to me. I was robbed of my 20's and 30's when I could have been with a woman but society, religion and the government dictated who I could love or not love. What an atrocity to humanness.

In the spirit world, if ever you should have a clue, there is no gender nor age only love.

I'm way ahead of the game and from here society, religion and the government look like something from back watered stone aged societies. Ignorant - you look ignorant. Like puppets who can't think for themselves or reason, so they follow idiots for leaders who only have the need to rule over peons. The leaders make up silly rules for you to follow. The rules need to be almost impossible to follow so that way they can "fix" you. You give "them" a purpose; oh, and your money. If people were only wise; but they prey on your ignorance and you are there for them. If there were no followers, they couldn't lead; so in all reality YOU have the true power only you don't know it.

And truly the real power lies within you; in your divinity. We are all connected on the quantum physics level. We can create our own realities. You don't think so? Listen to how many people reach a certain age and say "I'm old, I can't do that!". First of all "can't" means "you don't want to". And your body hears every word you say.

We are as old as we want to be. "Oh yeah, my friend says. Tell my knees that!" Well, see! Just listen to what she said. She wants to be old! She expects to be "old" at a certain age and therefore she is.

Me? I'm 30 years old. I missed out on my thirties as a lesbian, so I'm reclaiming my thirties. And I"m having a blast! I"m meeting lots of new people and gaining many friends. I'm healthy, active, happy and loved. I have no aches pains or complaints. I'm active. I run, bicycle do yoga and love it. Exercise is key! I know that I am fortunate and I am grateful and thank the universe everyday. I worship my body; this wonderful gift that I have and I take care of it. I am blessed.

So, you tell yourself you are old if you wish; I wish not too. Remember, you are your thoughts!

I wanted this evening to be magical and really it was..from the rain shower as we gathered under a huge umbrella. To the shower ended just as our normal start time approached.

I asked the evening to be magical. I really didn't know if I wanted to ask her out or not. Maybe see what she is up to. She is interested I think. No matter what happens I think we will be close. We talk easily. We talked for a long time afterwards, getting to know each other.

She knows what makes my heart tick and she is sensitive herself. I can see us coming together, I think.

She is interested in how I spend my time and who I see. And she wondered about my relationship with my ex. I think she felt more secure in knowing she is dating someone and has been for a year

I guess I poured my heart a little. I told her I miss sex, loving someone - just holding someone close. I told her the person I dated last summer changed my life and made me look at life differently; actually, she brought me to life. She was a blessing and I will always love her. My new friend, I know, took that in the correct context.