Breaking the Habits of being human

and changing brain chemistry to actually change and shape our human body.

I decided I'm going back to my thirties since I missed out of them by pretending to be straight. I had to pretend to be straight because I had no choice. I was up against, social rules, church rules, the government, and strict patriarchal parents who were actually quit cruel, degrading and abusive.

I had no escape! What go to my priest or nuns? They were just as bad! Cold and cruel! The priest hollered and scolded and demanded money each Sunday. Good ole Father Freese. He drove a big car and had a full time housekeeper. A big shot! But then again, he was god and we were peons. So much for the church!

This was the sixties. The government was as crooked as hell and killed their own. Viet Nam, a war for big profits for industrial and manufacturing industries.

Thou shall not kill! Evidently does not apply to the government where there is a potpetual open season as long as their was a means to an end; a goal to obtain usually involving huge profits for a select few who were already rich.

Yes, that was what I drew up with. If only I lived in the city, or at least in the small neighboring town; but, no I was isolated and very lonely amongst these cool cruel sorts. There were no other roll models to learn from. My parents and relatives had no affection to get. There were no hugs or scoldings and spankings. My little heart always ached.

I had crushes on girls all my life. She just had to be sweet to me and I was so in love and shy. Silently I begged to be loved and hugged. It never happened.

I remember actually hurting to be hugged. One time when at a dance a guy hugged me when it was time to leave and I remember it feeling so wonderful. I cried as I drove home. I thought it so pitiful to have to want a hug so bad to fine it in a stolen moment.

Then came sex with men. I never loved them; I had a crush on her, my best friend. A friend of a friend, but always a woman. I thought I was the only woman on earth such as myself. All the women I knew were guy crazy. I merely went with the flow. I had no choice.

My twenties and thirties were the same, just more of the same. Finally after forty, I couldn't take it anymore. I did approach a woman and we were together for fifteen years. Sex? There wasn't much. We were like minded great friends. We no longer live together, but remain great friends.

I want my thirties back! Physically, I have the health and energy of a possibly a thirty something year old. I'm active! I spiritually very youthful. So, now I am working on getting my body matched with my youthful spirit, even more than what it is.

I believe our thoughts are very powerful and if we strict to believing in the possiblities then I believe anything is possible. And yes, I can retract and subtract the years. Just watch me!

No, no surgery. God know, not when I have my own reversing powers lying within my thoughts and my wishes.

Dr. Emoto says thoughts, different thoughts can create different changes in water crystals. Our bodies are made up of 90% water. What he did was take 25cc of water droplets and freeze and photograph before adding thoughts. When they projected the feelings of love and joy to crystals of water they transformed into the most beautiful patterns of crystals seen by the second set of photos. This is major to my process.

I must always think loving positive thoughts of youthfulness. I'm having fun at this! And I"m as cute as can be. I love my body and thinks it is beautiful. This is going to be fun!

Look out world cause here I come! I have no life partner or family to sway me away from my drive so I'm moving further and staying on track.

It's just a matter of breaking old thinking patterns. We are what we think we are. How many women do you know that are old before their time. No wonder, everything you hear from their lip is about aging and getting old and the aches and pains they think must accompany the process.

I disagree! I'm as young as I was when I was in my thirites. I am because I believe that I am and I have the capabiliies of making the necessary changes. The power lies within and knowing to break old negative mental tapes.